Helpless, Hopeless Romantic

Outward appearances can be deceiving sometimes. Most of you would be surprised to realize that I am a helpless, hopeless romantic who cries even during the most light hearted movies. Contrary to what the critics saw, I thought "Last Chance Harvey" had a lot of substance.

The social odds were slanted quite unfavorably against "Harvey" - Dustin Hoffman and "Kate" - Emma Thompson ever connecting. He a 5'8", divorced, American father in London for his daughter's wedding and she a 6'+ never married, British woman who was quite simple in outward appearances to everyone except Harvey. She was even admittedly cantankerous and tight lipped at times with most people. An extremely bad day for both led up to Harvey and Kate meeting in an airport lounge. Her British demeanor and wit intrigue Harvey. His subtle humor, calm compassion and fun spirit provide an immediate safe haven for Kate. The story evolves and they find themselves spending time together.

Just like Kate, I was quickly swept emotionally by this highly unlikely chemistry between the two. I was wondering what catastrophic event would come and undermine the happiness these two people had found in each other. After all, just simple love stories don't impress most people anymore. Despite the times, it was a happy ending. It left hope for new beginnings in lives that seemed hopeless. Kate asked Harvey how it could possibly work-- he answered with confidence, "I don't know but it will".

Men like Harvey are hard to find. I found myself smiling and thinking about how great it was that these two "middle aged" people found "it's never to late to open your heart and change your life". I thought even in the most unlikely circumstances there are inward commonalities that far outweigh the social slants we put on getting to know people. I continue to smile as I saw in "Last Chance Harvey" that it's only your last chance if you quit. It gave me renewed spirit that for hopeless, helpless romantics like me who believe in love, it's never your last chance. I walked away wondering what Harvey would look like to me today. Much like Kate, I think my Harvey would offer a subtle calm, a witty sense of humor, a tender heart and a safe haven to have fun together. I wouldn't care about outward appearances. In fact, if I found such an opportunity I would go barefoot just to explore the possibilities.

Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Winter?

I have to admit, I am just like a kid when it comes to days like today. The anticipation of a complete slow down of the hustle bustle of the work week due to weather conditions was something that really made me smile when I saw the forecast last night. I woke up a little later than usual this morning, snuggled under those warm covers, and with joy dozed back off for an extra hour of sleep.

I have fond memories when I was young of the anticipation of a snowfall that would delay or cancel school. It was a day of sled riding, movies, hot chocolate and afternoon laziness. I appreciated the opportunity to relive that today as Schnookie and I cautiously weathered the driveway to get the newspaper. I tromped through the snow while his 7lb weight allowed him to skate across the top. It was great fun for my boy Schnookie and I to be out playing in the snow. Both of my kids are home today too, so I am thinking about how we can make memories for them of the lazy, hazy, crazy days of winter.

Authentication Failed

Over the weekend, I decided that I needed to get back to my commitment to take better care of myself. Although a little out of sorts on the outside and the inside, I put my exercise gear on and walked down the hallway to our exercise room. The room has a treadmill (my weapon of choice) and an elliptical (Kayla's choice). It also has a TV with a satellite connection to make the experience a little more enjoyable. As I psyched myself up, I hit the remote to find something that could keep my attention for 45 minutes--that's quite a challenge on most days. What I got was a scrambled picture not even distinguishable and a blast of sound with a little blue box in the corner that said "Authentication Failure - card damaged" Call customer service and indicate error code 722. I thought wow this is serious. The computer geek in me has seen this message before with a blank, blue screen and it is devastation.

OK that was all the excuse I needed, the workout would have to wait. I had to fix the TV. I called customer service and got an automated message that asked me to confirm my telephone number. I did that. They asked me to choose one of the 4 options. I chose technical support. I did that. They asked me if I had an error code and I said "yes". They asked me to key it into my phone. I did that--722. This automated voice said "one moment please". I waited.

I was amazed within seconds this automated being from afar had beamed into my exercise room TV and reset the satellite. It took only seconds. The picture was clear, the sound was perfect and there were no more excuses for me not to proceed with my workout.

My amazement with this process continued as I began my workout. I thought this is how swift, clear and amazing our God is. Our picture of life gets scrambled and our interpretation gets distorted. We call Him for help through prayer. He beams in, authentication fails, he resets us and instantly it is all clear. As complicated as we beings of the flesh think we are, God knows all of our authentication failures and the codes to fix each one instantly--not complicated very simple. Of course, we must ask ourselves how many people actually know how simple and effective it is to make the call? Amazing similarity, isn't it?

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Raising kids is one of the toughest jobs that you do in life. It seems like it is an uphill battle sometimes. And then out of nowhere, you realize that maybe you are shaping a life. Kayla asked me to review this college assignment recently. Amazing..........

A Deep Respect for Each Individual

"Albert Einstein once said “Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile,” I believe this statement to be completely accurate. In my minimal time living on this earth, I’ve experienced what I consider every kind of emotion possible, grief, happiness, and love. But, haven’t we all? Due to the processes of day to day life, I think it comes easy to be caught up in our own emotions and forget that other people feel too.

Amongst a broad array of experiences, I have withstood the repercussions of a divorce, relocation, and a loss. Throughout all of these situations, I found myself questioning and over analyzing why I was experiencing these outcomes. However, being young and naive I never took the time to step outside of my own world and evaluate the struggles of those around me. I believe that with time and growth, I have finally come to the realization that I am not alone on the roller coaster of everyday living.

People come from all walks of life. I believe it is crucial to experience and learn from each and every individual you ever encounter. It is amazing what you may learn just from a basic encounter with someone who is completely different from yourself. Living in a very stereotypical society, one may be pleasantly surprised if they stepped outside of themselves and experienced how incredible people in this world really are. "

"In My Daughter's Eyes"

In our lives we all have people who make lasting impressions on us that forever change us. I think for most people it is someone older and wiser than they. For me it wasn't, it was my daughter, Kayla. She has had an outlook on life to reckon with at times and other times to die for. She is strong willed and determined-- to a fault sometimes. (I wonder where she gets this?).

When Kayla was 11 she began stumbling and being unnaturally clumsy. We thought it was just adolescence. It wasn't. It was something much more serious -- two of her vertebrae had collapsed on her spine. It was devastating for me. The thoughts of my child having to face the surgeries, the outcomes, the challenges that this unfortunate act of nature would present were almost unbearable for me.

I assumed at her age she couldn't possibly understand and practice a faith in which God would carry us through the ordeal. How very wrong that assumption was. She faced it all with unbelievable strength, courage and faith. She taught me through this experience together what the true meaning of love for God, life and each other is. She stood strong, when I was weak; She laughed when I cried; and she spoke hope when I felt deep despair. She showed me what it means to live the faith everyday as she endured two life threatening surgeries and immeasurable pain.

It is a deep bond through pain, suffering and brokenness that Kayla and I have walked as mother and daughter over the years-- not just with the surgery but many other devastating life challenges that came soon after the surgery. This experience was just the foundation for fortitude that we continue to have for finding the joy and love in all we do. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". I almost think Martina McBride wrote "In My Daughter's Eyes" for Kayla and I.

"In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I want to be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
Everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light
And the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me Gives me strength when I'm weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's givin' more when you feel like givin' up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am
And what we'll be
And though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family

When I'm gone I hope you'll see
How happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes."

Kayla has grown and she no longer "wraps her hand around my finger" but "I've seen the light It's in my daughter's eyes". For me, it has truly been "what life is all about".

Blessed With Brokenness

I have been reminded several times over these past seven days how incredibly powerful our God is and how close His love is to me despite the widespread brokenness of the world. I saw it the eyes of people that shared a wide range of experiences and challenges with me this week.

• I saw it in the eyes of a coworker who is in fear of losing her job. She wept as she shared her fear of security and self worth.
• I saw it in the eyes of a friend who spoke to me about deep grief of a loss yet the joy of lives changed by love.
• I saw it in the eyes of a young woman who has been violated and hurt yet wants to convey forgiveness and love to a family member who is lost.
• I saw it in the tearful eyes of a friend who is struggling between two loves of the heart and must make a choice.
• I saw it in the glittering eyes of a friend who has found love after years of hurt and sadness.
• I saw it in the eyes of our new President of the United States who admits fear and challenges face us.

I am reminded that brokenness is a blessing and not a weakness of people. It brings people of God closer to Him through you and I-- whether it be in celebration or just to sit in silence and weep. John 14: 15 -17 "If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever--the Spirit of truth."

I know this. I have struggled with the darkness. I have joked with God about this preparation of my heart through the worst of the brokenness. I have thanked him for the adversity knowing that he must have a very important mission waiting for me that requires such endurance and faithfulness. John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way, the truth and the life." No one comes to the Father except through me.." John 14:2-3 "In my Father's house are many rooms...I am going there to prepare a place for you.....I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

Here We Go.....

For those of you who are not Steelers fans, you are probably wondering where I am going with this thought. But for those of you who are Pittsburgh Steeler fans you know where I am going--to watch the precursor to the Super Bowl as the Steelers face the Ravens. Today is a great day, not just because it is the Lord's Day but because it is a quasi holiday for my family.

The sport and game itself is big but the tradition and opportunity for spirit and fellowship has extended all my life, my father's life and my grandfather's life. Some of my fondest family memories growing up were times we sat surrounded by family and friends to watch the Pittsburgh Steelers. In fact, my Dad hardly made enough money to pay our bills, but we had the first color TV in our neighborhood. There's a whole process we go through to prepare for this big event: my Terrible Towel had to laundered, pressed and put in position, friends and family had to be invited to come, the traditional foods had to be prepared, and yes all week we have talked strategy and probability of our success today. Like my father, I am a die hard. I remember well the days of Terry Bradshaw, Mean Joe Greene, the Steel Curtain and the Immaculate Reception. I remember the excitement and joy having this extend for several years in a row. Some might say I'm even a bit of a fanatic about this tradition. I have strong opinions about the offensive strategy and how Big Ben will need to perform today to be successful.

The truth of it all is I will win regardless of the outcome of today's game because I will be surrounded by all three of my children and many friends. In fact, the tradition lives on as my grandchildren-- Taylor and Mason have been indoctrinated in to this family tradition. They will be here to feel the spirit of what this quasi holiday brings to family,fellowship and fun! So, Here We Go Steelers. Here We Go...Pittsburgh's Going to the Super Bowl!

What It Means To Keep A Promise

Life has been challenging for my children and I over the past few years. With those challenging times came new commitments of what it meant to be a "family", what it meant to have a relationship with God, what commitments we would need to make to each other to survive, and what sacrifices would need to be made to live up to all of the above.

One of the commitments that I made to Kayla was not to get into a serious (marriage) relationship until she was eighteen. I was willing to make that commitment to her because I believed that she deserved my undivided love, time and focus. I thought it was important for her to see that there are rewards in life for approaching adversity with faith, hope and love. Over the years the journey was rugged, there were times that I had to refocus and remind myself of that responsibility to God and to Kayla. There were many times that I wondered why I had to walk this point of my journey alone. I reminded God that I felt empty. Simultaneously, I prayed that God would hear my prayer and promise to send love to my empty life. I made a pact with Him..."I'll keep my promise if You'll keep Yours". I know God listened and understood - John 11:41 "Jesus looked up and said 'Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me...'"

Kayla turned eighteen November 11th, 2008. It was somewhat of a time of Emancipation Proclamation for me. After all, Kayla is my baby. I had successfully nurtured all three of my children to adulthood and I had kept my promise to her. To me this date meant, I was no longer a "Prisoner of my Past".

I finished 2008 with hope and celebration of keeping that promise. I now wait with anticipation to see how God will deliver His promise. It is not a matter of "if", It is a matter of "when" . God always keeps His promises to those who are faithful. Matthew 7: 11-12 ...know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything , do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law of the Prophets.

This next phase of the execution of the plan will be bittersweet. I know He will deliver far more than I would ask of Him.

"Something Worth Leaving Behind"

How long has it been since you've asked yourself some of the hard questions when you looked at yourself in the mirror? One of the hard questions that I have struggled with is-- what is it that you want people to remember you for after you're gone? What cause or causes are worth fighting for and which ones are battles that don't impact the war? My sense is most of us take on many battles because at the time they seem to make sense. Time changes us and the way we think and act. I'm not the same woman I was last week, last month, last year. My answers to the same questions have changed dramatically over the years. There are many battles that I would have put myself out there in the past that I stand and just shake my head. They are battles some people must see worth fighting but not me, at least not anymore.

As I think of what I value most in life, my thoughts go immediately to the people that I love. It makes me think of my children. I changed dramatically over the tenure of raising my three children. My number one child was over disciplined, my number two child was selectively disciplined and my number three child, I had a strategy of asking "is this battle worth fighting?"
Most of the time it wasn't.

So, I have asked myself the hard question in recent times -- What's worth leaving behind?
I think Lee Ann Womack answers it well in her song "Something Worth Leaving Behind".

"Hey Mona Lisa, who was Leonardo?
Was he Andy Warhol?You were Marilyn Monroe
Hey Mozart, what kind of name is Amadeus
It's kinda like Elvis You gotta die to be famous

I may not go down in history I just want someone to remember me

I'll probably never hold a brush that paints a masterpiece
Probably never find a pen that writes a symphony

But if I will love then I will find
That I have touched another life
And that's something Something worth leaving behind

Hey Midas you say you have the magic touch
That even all that shiny stuff Someday is gonna turn to dust

Hey Jesus it must have been some Sunday morning
In a blaze of glory
We're still tellin' your story

I may not go down in history
I just want someone to remember me

I'll probably never dream a dream and watch it turn to gold
No, I'll never lose my life to save another soul
If I will love then I will find
That I have touched another life

And that's something Something worth leaving behind

Hey baby see the future that we're building

Our love lives on in the lives of our children
And that's something......
Something worth leaving behind"

lyrics by DOUGLAS, TOM / BEAVERS, BRETT

So I challenge all of you to ask yourself the same question. If it is our children, shouldn't we live our lives for the sake of our children?

This Ones for The Girls!

I'm a bit of a challenge for the women that I surround myself with. Because of my past, I have been very selective, like a President with his cabinet, of who I let in my life.

There are distinct qualities one must have before I would consider letting them into my inner circle and calling them "friend". They must be kind, and witty, they must be patient, and understanding, they must be a good communicator, but a better listener and finally they must see something in me worth fighting for. I try to help them see the value in being in relationship with me -- the win! win!. The old saying although not instant gratification, "anything of value worth having is worth fighting for". There are few women that are cut out for a job like being a friend to me. It takes a lot of patience and love to withstand me. Many have come and withdrawn their names down the stretch.

Fortunately over the past few years I have been very successful in meeting this challenge, I have identified a cabinet of "girlfriends" that have helped me to follow my call and come out of my cave. They have been willing to follow God's command in John 15:12-13 "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no more than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Not only are these girls good friends, they are extraordinary women of God. They get it. They know HIM, they live it and they hold me accountable for doing the same. They have helped me more than any of them will know. In return, I would follow God's command for them. So with so much gratitude......... This ones for the Girls!!!!!!!!!!

The Ultimate Garden

I like the metaphor of thinking about people like plants and flowers in a botanical garden as John describes in John 15. God being the creator and ultimate gardener. He is divinely astute and detail oriented so the beauty of His garden puts all who know him in awe.

I had the opportunity to experience Longwood Gardens over the holiday and was in awe of it's beauty. The surroundings of acres of meticulously manicured gardens is nothing short of a fairy tale experience. I was led there by a new found Christian friend so that made the experience that much more meaningful.

For me with this metaphor elicits a level of responsibility to God. I want Him to have the time to sit back and enjoy his creation the way I enjoyed Longwood Gardens. I don't want Him to have to spend most of his time pruning me so that I don't detract from the beauty of His other creations. It is true that with all gardens there will always be a certain amount of time in care of such a complex creation. I will need that nurturing because that is the care that continues to grow our relationship.

But it is my intent on staying close to the vine and doing my part to keep His garden one of awe, so that we both enjoy the ultimate beauty of the experience and effort.

A Turning Point

As I look back over the last eight years, I now realize that it wasn't the chaos of sin around me that caused the most damage to my well being. It was the isolation from people that spread through my mind and heart like a devastating disease. My reaction as the chaos intensified was to exacerbate my own pain by going deeper into isolation. There were many reasons why I believe this was not such an abnormal reaction to the situation but none the less, recently I realized I was trapped in a life without people and I was dying there. For whatever reason, I had convinced myself that as long as I had God in there with me I would be fine. I was wrong. Psalm 27:11-12 "Teach me your way , O Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence."

The turning point came a short time ago when I began to ask for help. God decided that it was no longer healthy for me to be in isolation and it was time for me to move toward trusting people again. John 15:4 "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." I realize the only way I will be able to advance my relationship with HIM is if I begin to rebuild relationships with people around me again. This is a very frightening challenge for me. After all, I have been in isolation for many years. I liken this in my mind a bit to Tom Hanks in "The Cast Away"coming back from the island after his time in isolation and finding that life had moved on without him, trying to figure out how he might fit in again.

He knew I was to afraid to take this on myself, so he sent a person of the flesh to provide counsel. Amazingly, I have surprised myself that I have been able to take baby steps to open my heart again to trust. I am witness to the beauty of the precise way that God weaves the tapestry of lives together to do good. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. I celebrate an early year win, a milestone and a turning point.

Untainted, Unconditional Love

You don't even have to be an animal lover to have witnessed the unconditional love that puppies give. It makes me wonder why people aren't wired that way.

It reminds me of God's love for all life- Psalm 36: 6-7 Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep. O Lord, you preserve both man and beast. How priceless is your unfailing love.

I see the example of this daily with our 7 lb miniature toy poodle named "Schnookie". He is so incredibly loving and faithful. It doesn't matter if I scolded him or hugged him before I left the house, he has the same unwavering greeting each time I see him -- tail wagging and unmatched enthusiasm. In fact if I have been on an overnight trip, he squeals he is so happy to see me.

I can learn from Schnookie's example of untainted,unconditional love. It is simple and holds no expectations. It is unwavering and energizing. In fact, it is priceless unfailing love.

Try this experiment... Put your dog and your loved one in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you???

"In God We Trust"

We see this phrase everyday--in courtrooms, on money, embedded in carpeting of key officials/clergy, on badges, everywhere. In the month of January hundreds of politicians including our President Elect will take the oath of office with their hands on the Bible. Since the beginning of time people have placed their hand on the Bible to signify the importance of Acts of Community and responsibility.

"In God We Trust". These four words are a a simple commission but hold much responsibility to God's people and the work that He has trusted them to undertake. Proverbs 3:5 (New International Version) Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
There is no mention of personal or material gain in this commission.

In a world with much uncertainty, the answers are clear and have been before all Christians. As the economy sours, I see strategists who surround me grappling for earthly answers to protect their money: I see parents who sell their children for money; I see school and legal officials manipulating the system to protect money not children; I see people who I have respected over time destroying those around them to protect themselves; I see a society that is condoning more and more sins so that we don't overcrowd prisons and put burden on taxpayers; and the list goes on and on. Have we really taken seriously those commissions from HIM and lived them through love and responsibility to others?

It is time for all Christians to fight the fight and walk the talk. It is time for all Christians to take hold of the world that Christ Jesus gave his life on the cross to save. It is time for all Christians to hold themselves and others around them accountable.

The answers will not come from any "bail out plan" or from a man of the flesh. The answers are here and the time is now for us to collectively live our commission ... "In God We Trust". When we do, we can be confident that God will keep his promise and meet all of our needs - Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Do you feel the love?

I was blessed with a weekend away to the mountains thanks to my sister and husband. It came at a time when I benefited greatly from the peaceful atmosphere of getting back to nature. I can relate to Jesus going to places like the mountains to be alone, ask for discernment, and hear The Father. Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
As most of you know, I am still learning to be patient and wait. It's a discipline that Type "A" personalities need to constantly work on. As I have become more aware of this in recent months, it has helped to protect me from myself. I have also had some really good friends who have cautioned me just in the nick of time. In previous years, I would have declined the invitation to go to the mountains this weekend--to many things to do. I have decided this year is going to be different.

The cabin was filled with a great balance of quiet, laughter, pleasing conversation and time with The Father. The punch line that kept us light hearted and on task for the desired outcome was the question: "Do you feel the love?" This was our cue that things were getting serious. Wouldn't it be great if the whole world cued each other when things got to serious? Wouldn't this be another interesting experiment to see the impact of how it would change the world?

I believe if the world could be disciplined enough to wait, God's plan and love would far surpass our wildest dreams. So as I move into the New Year going back to work trying to practice what I preach, I am asking myself and those around me...."Do you feel the love?

New Year with New Beginnings

I face today January 2nd with hope for new beginnings in 2009. The final chapter of one book will be written in the first quarter of this year. I'm not waiting to begin writing the new book as I am convinced new beginnings should start with the New Year.
As Melody Beattie writes:
“Certainly things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes, these events are pleasant surprises; sometimes, they are of another nature. But they are all part of the chapter that will be this year in our life and will lead us forward in the story.
The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book , waiting to be written. ;…”

I am anxious to move my story forward in this year. It has been to long that the story has been written in past tense. As Dale Carnegie would say, "my glass is half full again instead of half empty" and the Book of Joel 1:19-20, the adversity does not prevail. His Love is for each of us if we call out to Him. I know that the burden is mine to keep my heart open to the possibilities, so look out world here I come!!

2009 It will be Simple Strategy

It is going to be a simple strategy this year that has centuries of success:
Paul writes in Philippians 4:6-9:

"Brothers and sisters: Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters,whatever is true, whatever is honorable,whatever is just, whatever is pure,whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me.
Then the God of peace will be with you."