Ending the Year with the Wind at My Back

This is the 11th hour of the day and the year 2008. The last couple of weeks have been busy with the holiday, year end and spending time with people. This flurry of activity has energized me more than I have experienced in many years.

The weather today was really an interesting analogy of how this year has unfolded. Today started out with a very peaceful snowfall with plans of feeding my mind, heart and body with a walk with a friend. Thus started my strategy for approaching the year 2008. Fairly far into the walk this morning, the winds picked up and I was walking with the wind at my face. This made the walk less enjoyable with a feeling of cold to my core. Sometime around March of this year, the winds picked up and the years walk became one of resistance and challenges of facing immanent reconciliation of more of the unsettled pieces to the puzzle of my past.

As my friend and I reached the end of the walk the winds were unbelievable. I had not prepared myself for this adversity.
The call that I had received eight years ago was once again tugging and tormenting me only it was surfacing in a different way this time. From March through July the winds turned to a gale, and I found myself many times unable to catch my breath.
Finally, we were back in a warm vehicle and headed for breakfast. A warm cup of coffee hadn't tasted that good in a while. By August the storm had passed. There was collateral damage in my mind and heart so I adjusted the intensity and frequency of my prayers. This was all for a purpose because in early September the second storm came through and it was more intense and damaging than the first. A few good friends came out of nowhere,stood by, reassured and encouraged me to keep the faith as I picked up the pieces just like I had done so many times before. The calm from this storm produced a peace that I wasn't expecting.

I stayed inside after my invigorating and engaging walk with my friend watching the winds progressively pick up all day outside. I built a fire in the fireplace and am quietly ending this day alone with the book of Joel. October, November and December finished the year with a similar calm, a peace and a renewed hope just like this day. God sent people to walk with me into 2009. People that I have been praying for. Thankfully, I am ending the year walking with the wind at my back and following His path of least resistance.

God Has A Sense of Humor

Did you ever feel like life just got to serious? As those around me know, I tend to have a pretty witty sense of humor when my game is on. That quality at times has put me in a category that I have labelled as "being one of the most misunderstood people on the face of the earth". The interesting thing about this is God gets it. He made me this way.

Over the years, I have been discouraged at times about people getting it. Recently, I have learned it doesn't even matter. I show my witty sense of humor and if people don't laugh, I laugh anyway. I can hear God laughing because the fun comes from the inside out. In a sense, I think this strategy has been my key to reengaging myself with people. I have been testing the psychologist's experiment about happiness being contagious. When I see people, I have begun to smile, speak or interact as the opportunity arises. It has yielded interesting results. I am having so much fun with the scientific method of this experiment, I plan to continue and report my conclusion later.

Over the Christmas holiday, I witnessed many examples of how a sense of humor put laughter and fun into the spirit of the time together. My mother for the first time in many years was responsive and unbelievably interactive as I engaged her in my wit. Before I knew it, the whole family was involved. As my son Cody in his witty way quotes "Why sooooo seriousssss?" As we prayed, we laughed with each other and with God knowing He holds the ultimate sense of humor.

This morning I have tangible findings of my hypothesis. I arranged, framed and hung pictures from Christmas 2008. Unlike other years, there were more genuine smiles than I could count. It was a heartfelt experiment that needs more investigation as to how to incorporate God's sense of humor into the coming year.

Visible Signs of the Season

It is the Lords's Day, Sunday and amazingly a warm balmy 60 degree day. A rare blessing indeed. The weekend was good. In fact the holiday season was good. I stood this morning and reflected in front of my real 8 foot Christmas tree. I was thinking about all of the quality times far and near that I was able to spend during the season with people that I don't get to spend time with as much as I would like. Once again, I felt emotions creeping into my thoughts of how happy I am to be "back". It's not like I made some big announcement to those around me but the subtleness of the change proves what psychologists have stated recently, happiness is contagious--conversely, so is sadness.

Time (quality time) with my family was the most precious gift that I received this year. Cody was my most joyous and unexpected delivery. He is "back" too. He's the kind of person you just can't get angry with. His demeanor and smile will turn even the worst day back in to perspective. Over recent years, he has struggled and I with him. I believe his accomplishments in the business and his maturity in relationships and responsibility have grounded him. He is a work in process with God. I can see it.

Kayla my free spirit, strong willed child is also back. She realized at some point during this year that she needed to stop living in the past and start living for the future. I told her recently that she has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. Mixed with her strong will and free spirit, we've developed a dynamic way of bringing out the best and the worst in each other. Regardless, we have an incredible respect for each other. My gift from Kayla this year was a picture of me holding her in the delivery room. The engraved frame said, "together through it all". It brought me to instant tears.

So as I took down my decorations today and the visible signs of the season were gone, I am thankful that this year although not outwardly visible the celebration for the Shaffer family lives on.

Listening to the Quiet

Well all the hustle bustle of the holiday leaves me feeling a bit speechless today and has given me some quiet time to reflect. I am thinking about my book-- "Twisted Journey to Grace" that I started writing earlier this year and lost my drive and momentum to finish it. There are several chapters when I think about them still bring sadness, disappointment and deep pain to my thoughts. A new found friend has assured me this is a healthy thing. I didn't realize it until he pointed out... at least I am "feeling" again. I have no idea how long I have been in the state of "not feeling" but if I leap through the chapters, I can see a point where I lost faith in myself and others. The good news is it deepened my faith in Him. During that time, I lost connection with many people who truly cared about me but just didn't know how to help me. It has taken me several years to understand that just because we are waiting and listening for guidance from Him doesn't mean we should do it alone. It is not in His plan for us to work solo with God but in sync with Him and other caring Christians. Over this past year, I have tried to reconnect with the relationships that were damaged during my time of waiting. Many people have stepped up to the table to reconnect and many people to my disappointment are gone for good. My faith is strong, I am hearing and feeling once again and I "feel" strong purpose. It's amazing how listening to the quiet feels differently now.

A Savior is Born. He is Christ the Lord

Merry Christmas. My heart is filled with warmth and happiness I haven't experienced in recent years. I have been blessed in many ways over this year of many life defining times. The main blessing is I have been surrounded by immeasurable love from Him and many people He sent to me. Many who I didn't even know a year ago at this time. God is good. He listens. It makes all the sense in the world today why He sent Us His Son. Rejoice and Give Thanks with me.
Luke 2: 1-21

The Reason for the Season

Merry Christmas Everyone--it's December 24th, 2008. Tomorrow will be the celebration of the birth of Our Savior and a sign of new beginnings. I was inspired to begin writing this blog by a friend who began writing his story a year ago with his best friend of 33 years and wife. She can't help him finish because she went Home during this year.

I realized when I read his blog how meaningful keeping a journal can be to staying focused and intent on what is most important in life. Over the years, I have been encouraged to keep a journal and love to write but just didn't see the point. After the encouragment and tangible result of my friends one year journey, now I do.

It's not that I don't love to write because I do. It is just putting to words the ups and downs that seemed pointless to me. Recently, I wished I would have started sooner as I am seeing that as Rick Warren so eloquently describes there are divine "purposes" to all things that happen in life.

I want to focus on Christmas today and share my family as that is as close to God as I know and depicts what I consider the true reason for this season. See once I get past my own head, I know I will start to enjoy this...